Vacation
by elfmaiden4legs
Summary: In the midst of a series of power cuts the team decide to take a holday! Let me know what you think. WARNING: Some mild use of language so rated M for safety! Enjoy!


**Vacation**

**Hey all, well I know that I haven't written a Torchwood fiction in a while, but I hope you enjoy this! It is rather a long oneshot, but please stick with it. This is only my second attempt at humour, so pleas REVIEW and let me know what you think!**

**Thanks!**

"What's happening?" Jack asked as he came out of his office and stood upon the balcony overlooking the main hub, and where his team now stood. "Is it a lockdown?"

"No, just another power cut." Toshiko informed him.

"Christ, that's the third one this week!" Owen groaned, as the sound of Toshiko's typing resumed, as she attempted to get systems back online and restore the lights.

"Ouch that's my foot!" Gwen cried out as somebody stumbled into her.

"Oh, sorry Gwen." Ianto apologised. "Didn't see you there." There was a gentle sound of cautious footsteps, before a resounding, almighty crash as Ianto unwittingly stumbled right into the back of Owen I his attempt to put further distance between himself and Gwen.

"Umph, why don't you watch where you're going?" Owen snarled, as he made hard acquaintance with the cold stone floor, Ianto not too far behind.

"Well I would if I could _see_ where I was going!" Ianto shot back sarcastically, "I'm sorry!"

"RIGHT EVERYBODY JUST STAND STILL!" Jack suddenly shouted from where he continued to maintain his position some way above them. "Toshiko, how long before you think you can get the systems back online?"

"Well, it would help if I could actually see the keys in front of me." She responded at this, "but, yes… I think I'm almost there."

"Just make it quick, he Tosh!" Owen snapped. "I'm sitting in something wet here, and I don't think it's residue from the leaking rook… this is my third change of trousers this week!"

"It's ok Owen." Ianto cut in. "I think I must have spilt some of the coffee when I bumped into Gwen"

"Oh great!" Owen sighed, Ianto's attempts at reassurance seeming to have no affect upon him what so ever. "Next time I order a hot beverage Ianto, I'd appreciate at least a taste of what I've ordered first, before I end up wearing it."

"Got it!" Toshiko cried as she slammed her fingers down onto the keys before her, and with a whoosh of electricity the lights flickered slightly before one by one the hub was once again awash with a glow of gentle light.

"Everybody alright?" Jack asked as he descended the staircase to check on his disgruntled team.

"I think so." Gwen responded, as she made her way over to help Ianto assist Owen back onto his feet again. The two had to stifle a small laugh as they caught sight of the young Doctor's dishevelled appearance, half soaked in coffee and trousers covered in a gooey mixture of hot doe and jam where he had obviously landed in a box of fresh doe nuts.

"Thanks." Owen responded sarcastically as he caught the look on Gwen's face, "Just remember any time that you're in need of a hand, to cal me first so that I can have a good laugh at your expense."

"I'll just nip out for a fresh order." Ianto explained at this, doing what he always did under circumstances when the atmosphere in the Torchwood hub threatened to become a little too heated, and sensing the bitterness to Owen's tone, concealed by his force of humour "I'll be back soon."

"Hang on Ianto." Jack called after him as the young man raced off to retrieve his only recently discarded coat. Ianto stopped short and turned to face his captain with this.

"Would you like to change your order sir?" He asked.

"No nothing like that Ianto." Jack reassured him. "You know, I've been thinking though." He mused as he approached, now totally assured that nine of his team were too seriously injured… except maybe fro Owens pride, which now he took the time to think about it, could possibly benefit from a good thrashing once in a while.

"I've been thinking that maybe the five of us should go on vacation." He continued after a moments thought.

"Vacation?" Owen and Gwen both exclaimed together, their shock and confusion at this suggestion written all over the entire teams face. Jack was a tough worker, some would say a workaholic, and was statistically mare likely to expect the team in at all unworldly hours of the morning to work on a new case rather than to suggest that they went off on vacation together.

"Well it's not as though any of us can get any real work done like this is it?" He shrugged. "These power cuts are ridiculous, and until Ianto can get somebody _competent_ to come in a fix the internal generators, somebody whose not going to let slip to the entire rest of Cardiff the exact location of our Torchwood headquarters and what exactly it is that we are doing down here this time then there's not really very much more that we can do here."

"No." Owen agreed. "At least not until we've managed to replenish an entire years supply of Retcom, and rumours of that unidentified substance which was found to have leaked into the City's water supply have stopped circulating anyway!" He added.

"Well I can't be expected to get it right all the time." Ianto protested, Jack patting him reassuringly on the shoulder however even as he said this, as so to indicate that he did not really consider any of this to be Ianto's fault.

"But what about Cardiff?" Gwen asked, "What about Torchwood? The fate of the Human race?"

"Your modestly, small kind have been cohabiting with aliens and conquering new worlds long before Torchwood came along." Jack exclaimed. "I'm sure that they can cope without us for a few days."

"But Jack…" Owen frowned. Though as abruptly as he had brought the subject up, Jack appeared to have closed the conversation.

"I want any ideas on my desk first thing tomorrow morning." The Captain spoke as he had already began to make his way back in the direction of his office taking the Hub's steep stairwell up to the second level two at a time. "Ummm Ianto, when you get back I'd like a quick word with you if I may?" He added with a playful wink at his young Welsh colleague. "The rest of you may as well take the rest of the evening off. I'll see you back here bright and early tomorrow morning."

Once he had gone however, and the rest of the team were halfway out of the door themselves, each about to say goodnight and go their separate ways; Gwen home to Rhys, Toshiko probably home to her empty if not suitably comfortable plat where there may be a good book and a mug of hot cocoa waiting for her (at least that's what the rest of the team suspected anyway), Owen in all likelihood off on the pull somewhere, and Ianto in the direction of the local coffee shop with only Jack and his own coffee to worry about this time round, they each looked at each other in turn, before raising he question amongst themselves once again.

"What do you thinks got into him?" Toshiko asked.

"Dunn." Gwen shrugged in her response. "He has been pushing us all rather hard lately though, maybe he's finally cracked?"

"He'll have probably forgotten all about it anyway by the morning." Owen informed them. "But you have to agree that a holiday would have been one of his better ideas."

Though when the team went in the following morning Jack had not forgotten, and three days later they found themselves sitting idly around the table in the boardroom, where he had summoned them only a short time before.

"Listen, what's all this about Jack?" Owen asked as the Captain came striding through the door a few moments later, closing it briskly behind him. "We have got work to be getting on with you know!"

"I know." Jack interjected, as he raised a hand to quiet his impatient colleague before taking up the final seat at the head of the board table. "Bear with me, this is important!"

"What's wrong Jack?" Gwen asked.

"I've been sorting through suggestions for the vacation." He informed them all at last with a knowing smile. "And I think I've finally come to a satisfactory conclusion."

"What have you decided then?" Toshiko asked brightly, her dark eyes alight with the radiance of the smile upon her face. Gwen looked a her with this, she was so pretty when she smiled… if only she would smile more often.

"Well let me first start by saying, Owen, America? Hardly the most imaginative of suggestions was it? America's a big place you know!" He looked at his young colleague with raised, almost reproachful eyebrows, a note of gentle sarcasm deeply concealed beneath his vaguely amused smirk.

"Well how was I supposed to know you were genuine?" Owen muttered. "Besides I didn't say where exactly in America did I?"

"And Gwen… I'm surprised that you of all people couldn't have come up with somewhere a little more exotic!" Jack continued now turning to address the young woman.

"Well it was where Rhys and I spent our first weekend away together." She explained.

"Oooo, ever the romantic your Rhys isn't he?" Jack teased.

"Hey, don't mock it! It was all we could afford at the time!" She proclaimed. "Besides, it _was_ romantic!"

"Awww." Owen chorused sarcastically with this, before averting his gaze right of Gwen to where Jack was now sitting. "It's enough to make you sick!" He groaned, although the smirk in his eyes lit up his entire face as he said it.

With this however Gwen's empty mug was sent hurtling past Jack, in the direction of Owen, narrowly missing him by what had been quite literally a matter of centimetres as the young Doctor spotted the threat with only a few seconds to spare, and quickly dodged out of the way, with surprising agility and spilt second timing. The mug skimmed the edge of the table, finally coming to rest I the space between Owen and where Toshiko was now sitting, as it landed and smashed into several small fragments upon the floor.

"Great!" Ianto sighed. "This months VAT claims for is beginning to read something like my old grannies weekly shopping list!"

"What? What was your granny doing buying a new mug each week?" Toshiko smiled.

"She happened to be a little clumsy in her old age!" Ianto returned heatedly, although there brief conversation was interrupted.

"Hey!" Owen growled at Gwen, "Watch it!"

"Why don't you go boil your balls Owen?" She snapped back, although the look which had began to form across Jack's face with this quickly prevented either of them from pursuing their argument any further.

Leaning forward across the table, putting himself between the two of them he barked "That's enough!", aiming equally warning looks at the both of them as he did so.

Silence ensued…

"So where _are_ we going then Jack?" Toshiko finally asked, a few moments later.

"Well…" Jack hesitated, glancing around knowingly at each of his expectant team in turn before finally answering. "We're off to the countryside."

"The countryside?" The team scoffed in unison, not so much disgust or disapproval but more the disappointment beginning to register openly on each of their fallen expressions.

"Camping sounds like a fun idea I thought?" Jack continued with this, enjoying his teams response, "How about camping?"

"Who suggested that?" Gwen asked.

"Well I'm not going camping!" Toshiko stated her opposition firmly and to everyone's surprise… normally one of the quieter and more reserved members of the group, Owen had assumed that, naturally, camping would be right up her street.

"I bet it was Ianto!" He complained bitterly.

"Hey!" Ianto protested however n hearing this, although any of the teams initial confusion or disappointment was periodically forgotten in the jest which ensued, as hearty response to Ianto's next statement. "Actually I suggested somewhere hot, like Italy or south of France maybe… haven't been to France in a while."

"Oooh Ianto, you dark horse you." Gwen chided with this, patting her young colleague playfully on the shoulder as she did so.

Owen simply grimaced mockingly. Ianto however, noticing his colleagues response wasn't about to take their insults lying down. "Well at least it's better than some camping trip to the countryside." He responded.

"You can say that again." Gwen scoffed, although she aimed an apologetic glance in Jack's direction as she did so, encouraging him not to take too much of the teams light heart and mockery, which his suggestion had met in both equal measure, to heart.

"Yes, but…" Toshiko eventually cut in, finally redirecting the teams somewhat diverted attentions back to the initial topic of conversation, "may I just ask Jack, if Gwen hasn't suggested this, and Ianto apparently hasn't either, and lets face it, camping is hardly in Owen's style is it… and so that rules him out entirely… there's no point even going down that road… and I most certainly haven't, then who did?"

"Ah…" Jack faltered, "well… you have Janet to blame for that I'm afraid."

This response however met with even more incredulity than the first, and Jack suddenly found himself with even more explaining to do than before, rapidly burrowing himself an even deeper hole.

"Janet?" Toshiko exclaimed.

"As in the weevil?" Owen asked.

"From downstairs?" Ianto added, although this met with a series of disapproving looks from the rest of the team, apart from Jack who simply smiled… something about the young Welshman's rather impish sense of humour really turned him on.

Ianto shrugged.

"It sounded good at the time." He responded, smiling wryly in the Captain's direction as he noticed the wink Jack aimed at him before both were abruptly brought back to reality with a resounding burst of verbal protest from Owen.

"Well, whatever." The young Doctor suddenly gesticulated, it appeared he to had noticed Jack's smile also, and was obviously not happy. "All I want to know Jack is this, Janet is a Weevil right? She can't even talk, well not in any logical, meaningful sense of the word in any case… and now you have her choosing holidays for us?"

"Does she even understand what the concept of a holiday is?" Gwen asked. "I mean, do Weevils take holidays?"

"You know Gwen, I've never really thought about it!" Owen cut in, tone now dripping with sarcasm, "And to be honest I really don't care!" I'm hardly going to go home tonight, wasting time pondering on whether Weevil's take holidays or not! I'm going to go home, fix myself something to eat, have a few beers maybe, get dressed and go out in the pull, and do you know why Gwen? Because that's what I do! That's what I do every single night of my life, and I like it! No, in fact I love it! What I don't so is stupid camping trips to the countryside!"

"Owen!" Toshiko snapped, sensing Gwen's expression with this, obviously blown away by the young Doctor's unexpected outburst. "That was uncalled for!"

"I…don't…care!" He retorted, to her mind rather childishly, although what happened next was to put a sudden stop to the pointless chaos which appeared to have descended over the Hub, seemingly instantly.

"Right, this stops now!" A voice, which the team initially found difficult to pace, so unfamiliar to them as it was, suddenly rang out above all other and silence ensued.

Gwen and Owen turned to Jack, Toshiko not entirely sure in which direction to look… although it soon became clear to them all that the order had not been made by him, the confusion as evident upon his face as it was the rest of them.

…and then it finally dawned upon them, Ianto! The normally quiet and reserved young Welshman, who has previously been sitting, quietly observing the preceedings from the far end of the table until a few moments ago was now on his feet, panting slightly from a fairly recent exertion, cheeks flushed and filling even further with pink now that he had the eyes of the entire rest of the team upon him, his own wide with the surprise of his own boldness.

"I'm sorry." He crocked at last. "I don't know where that came from!"

Jack simply chucked. Ianto, noticing this gesture smiled gratefully.

"So…" Gwen finally asked once the two's silent jest had eventually calmed and Ianto had sat down again. "Why Janet then?"

"Well the rest of you couldn't agree on somewhere to go." Jack explained. "So I thought rather than wasting pointless hours pondering on how I could possibly please all of you, and getting nowhere I might as well give her a choice in the matter… perhaps get a few fresh ideas, you know, keep my options open."

"And she complied?" Ianto asked. "How did you manage that one?"

"Well she kinda pointed and grunted…" Jack shrugged, as though to suggest that he wasn't really entirely sure, but was trying to appear casual about it.

"Brilliant!" Owen sighed, "So now the Weevil's coming with us? And I thought this couldn't get any worse!"

"Ummm…" Jack suddenly averted his gaze. "You've forgotten the Pterodactyl."

"What?" Owen protested.

"Well we can't just leave them here can we?" He stated, "For one thing I didn't think Ianto would ever forgive me for the suggestion that we expect them to fend for themselves for the week." Although Owen was already on his feet again now and Jack suddenly felt it pointless to continue any further. "Where are you going?" He asked.

"Where do you think? The Scooby Mobil!" Owen responded sarcastically with this. "And, bagsy I'm Fred."

"And I thought that you couldn't get any pettier!" Ianto sighed.

"You know what? Why don't you shut it Scrappy?" He retorted. "Now if you don't mind, I think I'm going to leave the rest of you kids to it, I have some real work to be getting on with. Let me know when you've made a decision!"

"Owen come back here!" Toshiko cried. "You're behaving like a child! There's no need to get childish!"

"Owen!" Jack ordered.

Although Owen had already slammed the door as he left the office behind him.

"Too late." Gwen sighed.

"Well that went well!" Ianto added.

"He'll come round." Toshiko reassured them. "He'll have to, curiosity will get the better of him. Besides you know Owen, he won't want to think of what we might be getting up to without him will he?"

…

A few weeks later the team found themselves making their way across a vast stretch of wet and boggy countryside, Owen amongst them. Jack had finally come to a compromise, however still not to Owen's approval. Although as Toshiko had predicted the thought of what the team may have been getting up to without him had proven too much for the young Doctor, and they had booked a large Villa, suitably out of the way, in a corner of the French countryside.

The weather had proven far from ideal however, and for the first couple of days the team had found themselves deprived of any of the outside pleasures as advertised in the leaflet, not willing to brave the torrential downpours, and only fuelling Owen's constant rein of protests that they should have gone elsewhere. Jack therefore, in his reluctance to engage Owen in continued battle over the current tension which had apparently descended over them all, had started spending more and more of his time alone, and at work. So much so that by the beginning of the third day Gwen had suggested a trek across the French countryside may do something to clear the air and raise their depleted spirits.

Jack had predictably remained behind, although this had made little difference to the rest of the team as they set out mid the following morning. The weather had remained pleasantly mild for the most part, although as early afternoon approached dark clouds began to gather on the distant horizon, and Owen had made the decision to turn back, closely pursued by the rest of them, as they found themselves suddenly caught in a heavy downpour.

"Brilliant!" Owen groaned, as they were forced to wade their way through the churned grass and mud, knee deep in think clay where the rain had soaked into the ground. "Well, you know what they say, it never rains… except when I'm around!"

"We're all as wet and cold as each other Owen!" Gwen snapped. "Just drop it will you!"

Although the rain seemed to do little to dampen Toshiko and Ianto's humour, as the two spent more time laughing at each others particular misfortunes than complaining, even influencing Gwen's deepening spirits at one point – who by nature wasn't particularly partial to the rain, although very much accustomed to it's icy chill – when Toshiko happened to misplace her carefully calculated footing and slip in a particularly waterlogged stretch of ground, and unable to right herself in time, suddenly found herself caked in a mixture of wet clay and soft mud.

As a result by the time the team finally reached their destination they were soaked through, dripping wet and shivering. Jack was sitting by the fire when they returned, greeting them with a characteristically lavish smile as they walked through the door.

"Nice trek?" He asked.

Gwen simply groaned dismissively in response as she tried to prise her heavy coat away from her chapped and smarting skin. "What I wouldn't give for a hot shower!" She sighed.

"I think I'll join you there on that one." Toshiko agreed.

"You certainly need it more than me." Gwen smiled sympathetically. "Go on, you go first."

"Thanks." Toshiko smiled gratefully with this, as she made her way, with some difficulty, upstairs. All three were heavily weighed down by their water-logged, mud caked clothing as they followed suite, the damp material stinging their skin as water and mud began to dry in equal measure, irritating their aching limbs as they climbed.

…

"So, how was it?" Jack finally asked, once the team had finally rejoined him, all showered and each darning a fresh change of dry clothes, about half an hour later. Although obviously amused by the situation, he had made the gesture of putting the kettle on and preparing four warming cups of coffee for them all whilst they had been nursing each of their bad moods in turn, as the hot water had soothed their freezing skin and calmed their throbbing limps.

"It's pissing Niagara falls out there!" Owen snapped, rubbing at his hair vigorously with quite a large towel as he drained the last droplets of water from his dark locks. "What do you think?"

"Ask a civil question…" Jack teased as he raised his hands defensively, "Besides, it was only a little mud." He added with a smile.

"A little?" Gwen exclaimed with raised eyebrows, hearing her Captain's dismissive comment as she and Toshiko joined them from the kitchen, closely followed by Ianto as he joined in suit, carrying two of the steaming mugs of the hot, rich liquid. "Well I didn't see you braving the weather this morning? If it really was '_just a bit of mud_' why didn't you join us?"

"I have better things to do with my time." Jack shrugged. "And besides," He added, with a meaningful glance at Owen as he spoke, "somebody had to remain behind to keep an eye on Janet… we don't want her getting free and trashing the place now. We're lucky the French aren't as familiar with Torchwood as most back home."

"Well, if I'd wanted to get pissed on I could have stayed there!" Owen protested to everyone present, Jack's previous attempts to broaden the topic of conversation apparently not even appearing the register.

Jack laughed. "I didn't know you were made of sugar paper Owen. Had I have known you would melt…"

"Oh, piss off." Owen growled.

…

A little later on however, when the young Doctor's tempers had cooled somewhat the team finally met with the chance to wreak their frivolous revenge on their Captain. Although the growing hours of the day had done little to improve the bad weather, reinforcing the team's decision to remain inside, basking blissfully in the dry and the warmth of the burning fireside after their brief, and suffice to say not so successful run in with the outside, and the changing of the foreign elements.

Jack's mood had declined gradually however from the high spirited disposition he had exuded earlier that morning, as he had steadily slipped into a darker, more distracted state of mind, frequently to be found broodingly pacing the many rooms and long corridors of the Villa in which they were staying, rarely condescending to socialise with the rest of his team as the day wore on.

"What do you think is wrong with him?" Toshiko asked at one point, in her concern.

"He's bored." Gwen responded with a lazy sigh. "Best leave him to it for the while…" She mused, listening to the sound of her Captain's impatient footsteps resounding on the crooked floorboards of the room above. "Better to let him work it out of his system in his own way."

Owen smiled, "Actually I think I may have a better idea." He announced after a moment of contemplation. He could completely understand his colleague's reluctance to engage Jack in conversation, and no doubt, judging from his current state of mind, risk being drawn into a fierce and long drawn out debate, regarding whatever was currently praying on his mind… they were all currently far too settled to risk anything intruding on their peace of mind… although a little revenge for his conduct earlier in the day, now that was a different matter!

…

"Hey!" Jack protested fiercely as he suddenly found himself at the mercy of his team, as they each took an unsparing hold of him, Owen and Gwen by the arms, Toshiko from behind as Ianto threw open the front door, an apologetic look in his eyes. He had initially considered it a worthy suggestion of Owen's when he had implied that in his experienced medical opinion a long walk in the fresh air may go a long way to curing the young Captain's apparent claustrophobia… now however in hindsight he was not so sure.

As he felt the chill breeze from outside upon his face, the image of the heavy downpour looming nearer, his feet started to slide on the varnished marble floor in his attempt to secure a steady footing and fight back.

He had been preparing to depart when they had crept up behind him. Four against one… even with Jack's strength and agility, he hadn't stood a chance against them! There was no doubting, he had trained them well.

"Let me go!" He ordered, in one last ditch attempt at reason.

"What's the matter Jack?" Gwen laughed, getting somewhat carried away with herself in the excitement of the situation. "It's only a little mud."

"Don't worry, you won't melt!" Toshiko added, giggling in his ear slightly as she said this.

… "I'm sorry sir," Ianto hastened to input, averting his gaze away from Jack as he was dragged beside and finally passing him, so as not to have to look the Captain in the eye. "It was Owen's idea."

"Hang on!" Gwen suddenly cried, as she released her grip on her Captain.

Although Jack had no time to respond as he suddenly felt himself flung from his team's grasp, natural instinct to guard himself against harm kicking in immediately as he threw his arms out in front of him to protect himself from the inevitable fall. He felt himself descending before he even had a chance to steady himself, nearly coming to rest face down in a fowl and mud choked puddle… managing however to role free just in time to avoid soaking himself completely.

His reaction was instantaneous and unsuppressible however, as he felt the icy water chill him to the bone.

"I said hang on!" Gwen snapped, as she went to help Jack up. "Are you alright Jack?" She asked.

"Unbelievable..." Owen sighed, "I knew you would... you chickened out... I don't believe you Gwen!"

"Fine!" He snapped, struggling to his feet, shrugging off her offer of assistance as Gwen held out her hand for him to take.

"We're sorry Jack…" Toshiko suddenly faltered, coming up beside him, all joke gone from her expression now as her eyes melted with concern. "It was Owen's idea… I guess we just got a little carried away."

"Oh sure, blame me!" Owen muttered.

"Well, it was!" Ianto stated.

Gwen and Toshiko had both positioned themselves either side of Jack now as they helped him back onto his feet.

"Tell you what Jack," The young Welsh woman smiled affectionately, as he struggled to right himself. "Why don't you go take a shower… it really helps, trust me, or perhaps you could still go for that walk… we'll get everything ready for you for when you come back?"

"No," Jack shook his head, tone still somewhat resentful, although softening now slightly after the waning of the initial shock. "I'm right off the idea now, believe it or not." He added.

"How about just the shower then?" Ianto asked.

"Just the shower will do me fine." He nodded.

Just then however, as the team retuned inside the lights in the hallway suddenly flickered before settling again for only a moment and going out completely, plunging them all into semi-darkness.

"What's going on?" Toshiko asked uncertainly.

"It's another bloody power cut!" Ianto informed them, making his way over to the opposite wall to check the fuse box.

"SHIT!" Owen groaned through gritted teeth, tone ripe with the frustration felt by all… although it was Jack for whom the team felt most for in this moment of apparent need.

"Brilliant." He sighed.

_**End!**_

**Well thanks for sticking with this one, I hope you enjoyed what you read! Please let me know what you think! Thank You!**


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